today, lets start off with a:
maybe if this wasn’t considered as homework…
- i wouldn’t feel so stressed about what to write and what not to write.
- i wouldn’t have writer’s block and have ZERO inspiration.
- i wouldn’t be at a loss each and everytime i face this blank white box.
- things would just flow naturally and smoothly outta me.
- it wouldn’t be such a bore.
Okay lets just admit it, i’m no good at this. Thinking about having to reflect makes me groan and come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid doing this. but no.. i know that somehow, one way or another, i’ll still have to get it done. i don’t know what’s gotten into me. i used to have such a flair for writing and it used to brighten my day up being able to get things and issues outta my system, which in a way is a healthy kinda thing. But now for me, i’ve gotten lazy. I’m losing the interest to write maybe cos i have nothing to talk about; or rather, what i CAN talk about, people may not necessarily want to read. i’ve always been more comfortable writing to myself than to an audience; like keeping a diary whereby i’m just plainly talking to myself and i don’t have to fret about what blahblahblah will think of me if i write and voice my opinions about issue XXX. here’s an inside scoop to see how my brain works:
“hmm.. i feel so much like writing about this… but should i?”
“aww cmon.. dont be a wuss! you think anyone will care what you think about that?! no one’ll give 2 hoots!”
“well.. no harm right? i mean if not, i dont have the drive to go write about something that doesn’t interest me but having to pretend it does”
“bullshit. your job here is just to get it done and not worry too much.”
There. This same conversation (well close to it) goes through my head everytime i’m about to write a piece. like for example, the discussion board for intro to film, this and even things like contemporary issues work we’re given. how much impact can a small being like me have on bigger things out there?
im sorry if im starting to sound so negative or if this is becoming depressing to read. its just that things have been so down for me lately that everything’s starting to look bleak and i’m starting to have doubts that i’ll ever bounce back to where i used to be. first, my laptop got stolen/lost. then i’m starting to rub off my bad luck to the people closest to me. on top of that, the laptop that i borrowed basically just spoilt (i dont know if its on its own or if im the cause) and this weird thing popped out of the laptop before the hard drive died on me. moreover, my photography assignment was still in the laptop and i had yet to burn it for submission. my ez link card got confiscated by this unreasonable bus driver and im stuck without a card for 5 business days or even more. that means having to bring about a bag of coins and having to pay adult fare from now onwards. ): this is so depressing. talk about an Aristotle tragedy man. -sighs- whats lacking in this tragedy is that there is no turn for the better (yet, i hope) and the protagonist doesn’t have a goal in life to achieve (unless you consider wanting to get out of this whole chain of bad luck). so if this really is similar to an Aristotle tragedy, whats the knowledge that im lacking to get myself out of this dump? is there something that i should be doing or should have done that i have not already? is there something that i’ve offended that i’ve not known about? I need answers man. I need directions or A DIRECTION. I’m feeling so lost and listless now that nothing cheers me up much really. I just want to know how to make it better and what i’ve done wrong so i can do something about it. this is bothering me quite a bit for some time, i’ve noticed but before yesterday, i just couldn’t pinpoint what it was that was bothering me. now that i know, ive got a thirst for more information and knowledge.
well anyhow, we’re supposed to write a letter to someone in our past.
the first kinda thought that came to my mind was that it was going to be emotional; sad and angry at the same time. and that writing it would stir these emotions up in me – i would cry while writing and get all pissed off all over again at the person i’m writing to. my life hasn’t been all merry and happy all along. there were points in time (in fact, many!) whereby i just felt so much. so basically, i think writing this piece wouldn’t be of much difficulty for me. Instead, i would think that sharing it, would be very much harder for me cos everything’s kinda personal and i’m definitely not the type of person to open up very easily to the people around me. i sure hope i don’t get all emotional tomorrow when i read my letter to the past out.
till then, peace out (and hopefully more luck for me, PLEASE!)
Wow, it looks like you really need a date with Reese Witherspoon’s ex now.
Has Sonia’s life become a Greek tragedy? We’ll only know at the point when you come to a realization that you’ve brought all this unhappiness due to hamartia.
If i were you, I’d vote for Hollywood movie rather than Greek tragedy. That way you get the happy ending and your dog is safe too.