The Insomniac
“One thousand two hundred and fifty four sheep…” he counts out aloud as he lies on his bed, his eyes wide open.
His sister charges in to his room and hollers at him, “It’s past midnight! For Christ’s sake, shut up!”
“One sheep… Two…” he counts, even louder than before.
The Eldest Sibling
“He gave me flowers…”
“You lucky bitch.”
I smile coyly at her as we sit, our backs leaning against the wall.
A loud consecutive banging comes from the other side of the wall.
“It’s HER!” I whisper, my heart thumping.
“Let’s pretend we didn’t hear.”
We continue our nightly chat.
The Gynophobic
“Oh no…” he panics as she makes her way towards him.
“Hey there sexy! Keen to dance?” she asks, as she sways her hips to the music.
“N-no t-thanks!” he stutters his reply as beads of perspiration roll down his cheek.
She walks away.
He heaves a sigh of relief.
First Kiss
He looks deep into her eyes.
She looks away shyly.
His hand brushes past hers.
She grins at him.
They gaze at one another, appearing to be in a daze.
He moves closer to her lips, his hand lifting her chin.
She closes her eyes as their lips gently meet.
The Stalker
Her heartbeat accelerates, as his footsteps grow louder.
She increases her pace.
“Please… Just let me be your friend!” the nerd from sixth-grade gym class pleads.
“In your dreams, loser!” she retorts haughtily.
He rushes forward and points a pocketknife at her throat.
“Very well then… Sweet dreams my pretty!”
Author: Sexy Sonia
Title: The stalker
What is it about: Nerd wanted to be friend with her. She refused. The nerd killed her out of anger.
What works: Active voice, present tense and 3rd person
What doesn’t: Ending too unexpected. (not so likely to happen?)
Author: Sonia
Title: The stalker
What it’s about: This loser trying to get the girl, but he doesn’t get her and kills her
What works: The tense, story is easily comprehended.
What doesn’t: i can find any
Author: Sonia
Title: The stalker.
What it’s about: About a nerd wanting to make friends with a girl. It is kind of weird for a nerd to kill people.
What works: Perhaps their dialogue
What doesn’t: I think it works
Author: Sonia
Title: The Stalker
What’s it about: A loser who wants to be friends with this girl but then she doesn’t want to and then he kills her
What works: The last line.
What doesn’t:
Author: Sonia
Title: The stalker
What it’s about: A girl who gets followed by a psychotic nerd who ends up killing her.
What works: Fast paced, interesting. Captivates the audience interest.
What doesn’t: Ending was too abrupt.
Author: Sonia
Title: Stalker
What it’s about: A nerd asking a girl to be his friend but got rejected and so he attempts to kill her.
What works: Straight-forward and so it is easy to understand the story
What doesn’t: A nerd trying to kill someone?
Sonia
The stalker
It’s about a stalker who, when denied friendship, kills the one he is stalking.
The present tense intensifies the feel of the story. The thought of a sixth grade stalker, ready to kill someone is really freaky.
I think it was brilliant. There is nothing to change. Except maybe the age of the characters involved. Kind of freaky..
Author: Sonia Yeo
Title: The stalker
What it’s about: A nerd wants to be the girl’s friend but is rejected. Taking it too hard, planning to kill her?
What works: able to understand it. The twist at the back is not expected
What doesn’t: The ending is a little too serious for this kind of matter.